Answers

(this is my friend Audrey's personal favorite)

one day in my imaginary land, i came up to It and
asked It what should i do. my life is so twisted. It
said, "if something puts you down one day, take that
and yourself and put you guys on a ******** shelf
if anyone turns you off, turn yourself right back on.
if someone scowls at you, smile at them and ask how their days goin.
Finally, if someone tries to hurt you - " "don't do the same thing?" i asked.
"NO!", It said. punch 'em in the ******** mouth and say ""f*ck you!"

                                     Lesson learned.